Let me go
by beatriz117
Summary: Tobias can never get over the death of his beloved Tris Prior? But what's even more painful? Losing her or Living everyday without her? Ever since Tris died Tobias has never been the same. Tris isn't gone she's everywhere. In Tobias's dreams and wherever he looks. Will he be able to Let her go?
1. Chapter 1

Suddenly, I'm in a room it's pitch black. The light booms, not on me but on a corner of the room there's a girl crouched down whimpering.

"Are you alright?" I ask. She continues to cry, not even looking up. Her hair is blond, she has thin arms and she's as tall as my shoulders.

"Let me help you." I say as I reach for her hand. She looks up and her face is wet with tears. I recognize her small face and those big eyes. Tris?

"Like you helped me?" Tris says firmly. She jumps up and now she's suddenly towering over me. How is this possible? I'm too shocked to say anything. Tris? How is she alive?

"YOU LET ME DIE TOBIAS! YOU LET ME DIE!" She screeches. Tears start dropping from my eyes.

"Tris! I'm so sorry!" I wheep. Her face doesn't soften, she's still angry.

"You let me die! And now you're going to pay!" She screams. A gun suddenly appears in her hands.

"Tris!" I shout. She loads the gun.

"Tris!" She aims at her target, me.

"TRIS!" She shoots. Her face becomes a blur and everything around me disappears.

* * *

"TRIS!" I scream. I feel the blankets of my bed around me.

"Tobias!" I hear my mother shout from the other room. She comes hurrying through the door. I'm drenched in sweat and so is my bed, well at least I hope it's sweat. I can't help but call her Evelyn, that's just what I'm used to calling her. Evelyn feels my forehead

" Are you having those nightmares again." Evelyn asked. I nodded my head, I'm afraid if I talk I might burst into tears. I can't cry in front of Evelyn, she'll think I'm still that little child she left years ago.

"Tobias it's not your fault Tris died, she sacrificed herself for everyone."She sighed as she stroked my arm.

"Why don't you sleep on the couch tonight. I'll go clean your sheets." She sighed. Tris did die for sacrifice, it was honorable but did she even realize how many people would miss her? I still want one more kiss, One more laugh, and just one more glance. Tears couldn't help but try to escape from my eyes. We were supposed to have a life together and maybe raise a family. Evelyn finally liked her now that she was dead. I know I'm not responsible for Tris's death but not a day goes by where I don't think of her. Where I don't dream of her. Tris would probably want me to move on but I can't. I don't just love her that word is too small do describe how I feel about her. I need her, I thrive on her, if I don't see her I'll just die. I lay down on the ice-cool couch. Maybe Tris would appear in my dreams again, I don't care if the sight of her made me want to cry. I need to see her.


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up to the smell of bread in my kitchen, I wake up on the couch. I didn't have another dream about her.

"Hey! Look who's finally awake!" My mother shouts through the kitchen. She walks out of the kitchen holding my breakfast, two sunny-side up eggs. I sit down at the table and we eat in silence.

"Tobias, is there something wrong?"Evely- My Mom asks. I don't even glance at her.

"I just can't stop thinking about my dream last night." I said as I finished my food.

"Tobias you just need to let her go. She would've wanted you to move on." Mom sighed.

"THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE SAYS! BUT NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW HARD IT IS!" I Screeched, as I rose up from my chair. My mom's face fell, guilt started to flow within me.

"I'm sorry, I just miss her." I sighed, as I sat back down. Her expression didn't even change.

"You know for a second there I thought I saw your father." She said blankly as she went to her room. Evelyn was right. I can't believe I'm turning into him. I need to get some air. I need to take a deep breath. I ran out of my apartment and bolted to the most abandoned place I could find. The Hancock building.

* * *

I haven't been inside the Hancock building since I spread Tris's ashes. It still looks the same big and empty. I feel like I can feel her presence here, I'm guessing she loved it here. I only wish I could have seen her in it. Sometimes I like to face my fear of heights, it makes me feel like Tris is still with me. I finally reach the top floor. I look down below me, I can barely see the ground and the people walking on the streets look like ants. I lean against the wall that's keeping me from plummeting to my death. I wish I can just escape and leave my life here. I could, if I jump I could die. I could be with Tris.

"I thought I might find you here." A voice snickers behind me. I turn around, oh it's just Christina. I turn back to the city. Up here it looks beautiful, like no damage has ever happened to it. Like nothing bad has ever happened.

"Are you thinking about Tris?" She asks as she leans against the wall beside me. She's so close that I can almost feel her heartbeat. I scoot away from her and her smile fades.

"I never stop thinking about Tris and I will never stop." I say defensively.

"Look, your not the only one who's in pain here. She was my best friend." She croaks, trying to hold back tears. I make a "I thought I was your best friend face" at her and she laughs. Our smiles fade seconds later, I find it harder to be happy these days.

"But you don't know what it's like... Losing someone you love." I sigh. She glares at me.

"Uh... hello? What about Will?" She scoffs. I can't believe I forgot about him, it feels like ages ago when I trained them. I can still remember the way Will looked into Christina's eyes and that was the year when Tris and I met. How could I forget that? I was even Jealous of Will getting to talk to her all the time.

"Sorry, I forgot about that." I laugh.

"It's ok" She shrugs. She truly is my last true friend. I always thought Zeke was but now he still feels so distant from me. I miss are old friendship.

"Do you still miss Will?" I ask. Her smile fades.

"Of course I do. He's apart of me I can never forget. I will always love him." She sighs.

"Apart of you? All of me loves Tris! I will always love her! I will love no one else!" I say.

"Tobias... you have to understand that you can't keep holding on to her. You have to let her go." She sighs as she takes my hand. I shake it away.

"I will never let go of her! She is apart of me!" I say, backing away from Christina.

"Tobias!" She groans.

"I can't... I can't let her go..." I cry.

"I know this is hard but it's for the best. She wouldn't want you to be a sad widow." She says as she steps towards me.

" First of all, Tris and I aren't married and I'm not a woman who has lost her husband!" I laugh.

"Come on! You know what I mean!" She groans.

"Fine." I sigh, finally looking at her.

"Good because Zeke and I are going to come back here later tonight. Wanna come?" She asks. I nod my head. I haven't seen Zeke since I spread Tris's ashes. She claps her hands in excitement and grabs my hand. We start bolting towards Zeke's apartment, he finally moved out of the city just a month ago. Last time I saw him it sounded like he pitied me because of the loss of Tris but now that's over... how is he going to act around me? As I run around the city, I feel a jolt in my skin everytime my feet hit the ground. I've never felt more alive. I haven't felt that way in a long time, the last time I felt this alive was when- well with Tris.


	3. Chapter 3

Christina and I finally reach the Zeke's apartment, I can feel my heart sink. Zeke acts like he has forgiven me but it never felt that way. Well, sometimes it did, sometimes it felt like he forgot about what happened to Uriah and decided to move on but sometimes I feel like I lost him. I lost my best friend. Obviously, Christina is one of my best friends but she isn't Zeke. I pause just outside the building, I had no idea he lived here. I was just about to step inside when Christina grabs my hand and motions me to the pole leading to the top of the building.

"You know I'm afraid of heights." I sigh. She rolls her eyes and starts climbing on the pole. As I watch her she reminds me of Tris. Tris was fearless. Stupidly fearless. I vowed I would never do anything Dauntless again. It's just too painful. I can't be brave again. When preforming an act of bravery, you always have something to fight for. Tris was that something to fight for. Now I have nothing.

"Come on!" Christina Groans. I grab onto the pole and start climbing, I was only three feet high and I feel like i'm about to explode. I climb another two feet and look at my reflection into the mirror. I see Tris. Tris is smiling at me and motioning me to climb further. To continue. A tear falls from my eye.

"Tris..." I croak, but then she disappear. Reminding me that she is forever gone. I continue to climb up further. Her smile fades and she points to Christina, then she's gone. I climb up, catching up with Christina.

"Woah. Did you get over your fear of heights?" She laughs.

"No." I croak, trying to hold back the tears. When will I ever stop thinking about Tris? Christina opens a window to her right and climbs in, I follow.

"ZEKE!" She screeches.

"Yeah?" Zeke says, walking out of the kitchen. He looks at me and smiles. I'm glad he's kind of forgiven me.

"Are you joining us?" He laughs. My smile fades.

"You know we're going zip lining right?" He asks. I glare at Christina and she glares at me.

"He's ready." Christina Scoffs.

"Okay. Let's go." He says as he jumps out the window, Christina looks at me.

"Are you ready?" Christina sighs grabbing my hand, trying to pull me forward.

"Hell no..." I scoff


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHORS NOTE: This isn't a Tobias and Christina story. I'm sorry I don't ship it. I just love Fourtris a lot. Maybe I will ship Tobias and Christina in the future but not now.**

Christina rolls her eyes and pushes me out the window.

"CHRISTINA!" I shout.

"Relax you're only a couple feet in the air." Christina laughs. She is so dead for this. Tris appears in my reflection of a window. Am I imagining this? This feels too real... Tris smiles at me and let's go of the pole and so do I. Tris is gone but she's everywhere. Christina lands beside me.

"See? How hard is that?" Christina smiles.

"Do my eyes deceive me or is this the day Four get's over his fear of heights?" Zeke laughs, patting me on the back.

"Tobias." I say.

"Grief has changed you bud. Don't let it." Zeke says, looking at me in the eye. I look at Christina and she shrugs, then runs after Zeke. I follow. When we step inside the Hancock building it's the same as usual.

"Hey guys!" Someone says behind us. I turn around, it's Caleb. Christina gives me the "Try not to strangle him.", which she often gives me nowadays and I always give her the same response. I make no promises. Caleb looks at me for a second deciding on whether to shake my hand or not.

"Caleb." I say.

"Hi Tobias." Caleb says nervously. I don't want to hate him. I shouldn't, Tris decided to sacrifice himself for him on her own. Caleb wasn't the one who shot her, David did that. I give him a forced smile, maybe one day that will turn into a real smile.

"Okay guys! Shall we?" Zeke says, as he walks toward the elevator. We ride the elevator to the 100th floor. I don't want to be afraid. So instead I watch Caleb be afraid. I stare at my reflection in the elevator and Tris appears in my reflection. Tris walks over to Caleb and comforts him. So what am I supposed to do? Hold his hand? I walk over to Caleb and try to make conversation.

"You Nervous?" I ask him. Caleb looks up at me, confused. Then he finally says

"Yeah... aren't you? Don't you have a big fear of heights or something?" Caleb breathes.

"Yeah... but I don't let me fear take over me." I say.

"What's that supposed to mean? No one's fearless." Caleb sighs, as he sinks to the floor. Coward.

"What I mean is that fear doesn't shut you down... It wakes you up." I laugh, pulling him up from the ground.

Caleb nods his head and mutters "Thanks." Christina smiles at me and Zeke looks at me like an alien. Zeke mouths

"You forgave him?"

" You forgave me..." I mouth, which I shouldn't have because I know deep down inside he will never forgive me. Zeke nods his head and says

"Fair enough."

"You two are hysterical." Christina laughs. We finally reach the top floor, I look out onto the horizon. Sometimes I still like to see the factions or at least whats left of it.

"So? Who's going first?" Zeke asks. Christina forms a line as Zeke sets up the equipment. I'm after Caleb which leaves me in the back and Christina in front, as usual. I watch Zeke out Christina in the harness and set her free. She goes in a different way Tris did. Christina faces the sky when she's released. Caleb pauses in fear , he looks like he's about to cry. I grab Caleb by the shoulder and whisper into his ear

"If you can't do this for yourself. Do it for Tris. Do it for closure."

"Okay." Caleb says nervously as I push him towards Zeke. I don't watch him get strapped into the harness. Why can't I bolt? I look out the window of a not-so-far- away building and look into my reflection, hoping Tris will be there. She isn't.

"Come on big guy." Zeke teases. I roll my eyes and let him strap me to the harness.

"You ready?" Zeke laughs. I realize I'm in the very same way that Tris was the last time she went zip lining. Zeke starts to count.

"one..." No. No. No. No.

"Two..." Why did I agree to do this?

"Three..." I look into my reflection of a window in some building. Tris is in MY reflection.

"Go!" Zeke screams as he pushes me toward my doom. This isn't so bad. I feel the wind brush against my face. I know what I must do. I spread my arms wide in the air, like a bird


End file.
